Rosie Reality

For the love of a pug...

2011-05-26T16:06:00.000-07:00

Hey, our neighbor Maggie the Pug has been fighting cancer for several months now. She's doing well but as you can imagine this is an expensive fight! I set up a Cafe Press store filled with adorable pug items that are great for gifts and useful in many areas of life. Check it out!

Top 5 Trick or Treat Candy Alternatives

2009-09-17T11:48:00.000-07:00

With childhood obesity on the rise it's easy to see why some parents and caregivers and most dentists cringe at the idea of a pillowcase filled with chocolates, gummies and sours on Halloween. Candy may never completely be eliminated from this holiday, and as long as it is consumed in moderation by children who are getting enough exercise, practicing good oral hygiene and an otherwise balanced diet this mom doesn't want to take it out of the orange-and-black picture entirely. But with everyone from neighbors to local stores throwing handfuls of sweets at my kids I do like to offer alternative ideas to my children as well as the trick-or-treaters who seem to come in bus loads through our neighborhood.

There are also many children who have medical conditions, dietary restrictions and/or whose caregivers take a radical anti-sugar approach to life, so non-candy offerings can really help these little ones (and not-so-little ones) enjoy the holiday, too. Many times I see the ghouls and goblins on my doorstep getting even more excited about the non-candy treats I pass out than if I were to give them yet another pumpkin-shaped confection or lollipop. Here are my suggestions for the Top 5 Trick or Treat Candy Alternatives. Feel free to use my list to inspire you to come up with your own ideas.

Top 5 Trick or Treat Candy Alternatives

1. Trading Cards - whether it's good old-fashioned baseball cards or one of the current trendy card lines like Bakugan for boys or Bella Sera for girls, a pack of trading cards has a lot of possibilities inside that small package. Some trading card battle games even help kids practice math, memory and classification skills, which is certainly sweet. Small decks of playing cards or card games are also available in packs of party favors and offer long-term play value instead of a quick sugar rush.

2. Pencils - most school districts are struggling with budget cuts and lack of funding. Halloween or other themed pencils are inexpensive and can be used to add interest to long school days and even longer homework assignments - look for pencils decorated with cartoon characters, sparkly glitter, space aliens, sports teams and much more. Again, pencils can be bought in packages meant for party favors or even in bulk from party stores and office supply shops. Also in this category are small note pads, erasers, activity and coloring books and crayons.

3. Bubbles - you might think bubbles only appeal to the younger set but I've seen even tweens have a blast blowing these around and at each other. It's also a favorite pre-concert and nightclub activity, making tweens feel a bit like the big kids.

4. Temporary tattoos - you can find these in Halloween designs, superheroes, princesses, clever sayings and much more.

5. Stickers - kids love to cover themselves in these, which is why doctors, dentists and teachers always have them at the ready as rewards.

As you can see, you really do have many alternative choices instead of candy this treat-or-treat season - this list is only the beginning. Modeling clay, bracelets, glow sticks, stamps, bookmarks, key chains....the list just might be endless and is limited only by your imagination. Happy Halloween!

A Way With Words

2009-08-19T13:02:00.000-07:00

The other night we watched Pinocchio. The Blue Fairy spoke to Jiminy Cricket, who blushed and got all flustered. Beloved Offspring #3 laughed at the screen, then turned to me and shared his amusement by observing, "He got in loved."

Earlier in the day an unfortunate squirrel met his end in the middle of our street. Someone had moved him to the side of the road, and Beloved Offspring #3 assisted me in laying him to rest in our trash can. Meanwhile Beloved Offspring #1 fretted about what would happen if the squirrel came back to life, and if zombies could somehow possibly be real. In another classic turn of phrase, Beloved Offspring #3 wiggled his fingers at his big brother and said in a scary voice, "dead squiiiiiirreeeeeel." Beloved Offspring #1 hid under a blanket. I took cover in the hallway so none of my brood would see me laughing.

Garden Update

2009-07-04T12:47:00.000-07:00

Sadly, our pretty little garden got singed in the summer sun. So much for home-grown veggies this year!

Sins of the Mother

2009-06-15T18:48:00.000-07:00

It is about six weeks before Beloved Offspring turns 8, and tonight he dropped his first F-Bomb. I blame myself and my Native New York mouth. But I still sent him to his room.

Rooting Memories

2009-05-13T19:10:00.001-07:00

Between the rising cost of groceries and the long stretch of summer ahead of me, I decided it was time to start a vegetable garden. Most parenting gurus suggest getting kids involved with growing vegetables as a way to teach them about healthy eating choices, as well as a great way to learn about science and nature – all while getting some fresh air and exercise. That all sounded like a good deal to me, so I started plotting my garden plot.

This was not my first attempt at growing something. When my son was two years old many other mothers (and mothers-in-law) told me how much little boys loved to dig and that a garden would keep him busy and exploring for hours. That didn’t happen. Instead, he was off and running everywhere EXCEPT the garden area and I was usually chasing after him. That year all the gardening chores fell to my disgruntled husband.

I skipped the next year due to the arrival of our twins. I think I skipped the year after that as well – I don’t remember much from those doubly sleep-deprived days and nights. Last year we grew a lone tomato plant in a container, and it was somewhat of a success so I thought we were ready for a bigger project (but not too big).

I researched larger container gardens, hoping to avoid back spasms by avoiding too much digging. My first attempt, sunflowers grown on a pallet covered with newspaper and potting soil, were thwarted by my still-disgruntled husband. He didn’t like my placement and didn’t think it would work anyway. I did some more research.

My kids and I decided on a do-able goal of four crops, and then we re-purposed some wood from our pallet as our border. We tilled our four-by-four area (well, I tilled it while my kids played tag and hide-and-go-seek) and then re-tilled when my husband declared it wasn’t deep enough. I think my kids may have actually picked up a shovel or a hoe at some point, so I considered it a victory. After field trips to two different garden stores we had plants, seeds and organic gardening soil and hit the dirt. My oldest dug holes while my youngest carefully urged the plants out of their plastic pots and my daughter stood by with a miniature rake ready to finish the job. We even added some marigolds in the hopes of warding off some insects.

Although the prep work had taken me a few weeks and the actual time we all spent gardening together was only about ten minutes I was still thrilled with our success. My children and I actually worked together to put together a garden! Now every day or so during the summer we will head out before it gets too hot to weed, feed and water our plants as we work toward a harvest – I hope.

An Only child

2009-04-29T17:46:00.001-07:00

In my Child Development class last night we were told to break up into groups based on birth order - oldest, middle or youngest. I was the only only child. How ironic.

Inner Thoughts of a Toddler

2009-02-05T12:50:00.001-08:00

There is nothing more exciting on the entire playground than a swing. Don’t even bother me about the stupid slide, I’m swinging.

The most overrated word in the English language is “share.”

Someone else’s toy is always more fun – even if I have the same exact one at home.

Sometimes mommies need a time out, too.

Being stood up hurts, even if it’s just for a playdate.

No trip to the playground is complete without making at least one Sand Angel.

Mommy says sand is very hard to get out of toddler hair. Why would she want to get it out??

Sham-Wow ... WOW!

2009-02-03T10:38:00.000-08:00

Check out my recently published content on AC:

How Sham Wow Saved My Daughter's Rug

Confessions of a Soccer Mom

2009-01-29T15:34:00.001-08:00

Check out my recently published content on AC:

The Confessions of a Soccer Mom

Confessions of a Toddler Mom

2009-01-28T10:02:00.001-08:00

Check out my recently published content on AC:

Confessions of a Toddler Mom: Toddler Mom Survival Tips

How To Save on Prescriptions

2009-01-27T10:11:00.000-08:00

As many Americans struggle in the current economy it’s time to look at ways to make our dollars go further, especially in the prescription medicine arena. Here are some tips to save some money while taking care of yourself.

Some Americans have been driven to extreme methods to afford their medications, such as traveling to Mexico or Canada to fill their prescriptions. While this may work for some, keep in mind that other countries have different regulating laws. There may be additional inactive ingredients or variations in the levels of active medication. But there are other ways to trim the amount you spend each month that don’t involve being bussed over the border.

TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR
Sadly, the insurance companies sometimes dictate which medicines will be covered. Be sure your doctor is writing a prescription for something that your plan will pay for. If you don’t have prescription insurance be sure to ask for the generic version of the medication and have it filled at a pharmacy that offers the lowest price.

Your doctor may also be able to help you by prescribing a longer or larger supply. For example, if you pay $10 per prescription and your doctor is providing you with a month’s supply, ask him or her to write the prescription for a 90-day supply. That will save you $80 a year on that one medication. If the doctor is writing a prescription for 30 tablets, ask if he or she will make it for 90 tablets. Are you willing to cut the tablets in half if it will save you money?

Always ask for samples. Doctors often have boxes to give out, but with all they have on their mind they may not offer this to every patient. But it never hurts to ask! Keep in mind that the samples will probably be the brand name medication, so be sure your doctor gives the pharmacy permission to fill your scrip with the generic version.

PRESCRIPTION ADVOCACY
Many pharmaceutical companies have advocacy programs to help consumers gain access to their products, but the paperwork can be complicated and the deadlines vary from brand to brand. Some states have prescription advocacy services to help residents bring the cost of medication down. There are also discount plans that have a prescription advocacy program available to their members. This is an excellent way to save a lot of money on a long-term or maintenance medication.

DISCOUNT PLANS AND CARDS
Some pharmacy chains have special plans for their loyal customers or for senior citizens. See if you qualify for some additional savings in this way. You can also check into a discount plan, which usually gives you a membership card for an annual or monthly fee. The card slashes the price of prescription medications when used at a participating pharmacy. This is a terrific strategy for people who are uninsured as the discount cards and plans are usually very affordable in comparison to insurance premiums.
This is also a great option if you find yourself falling into “the donut” – part of the year when you have maxed out your benefits or have gone over your plan’s limit and are expected to pay for everything out of pocket until the new calendar year begins.

MAIL ORDER
Many insurance plans and discount plans have pharmacies that will deliver medications directly to your home, usually at a huge savings. This is perfect for those maintenance medications that you want to have on hand in larger quantities to be sure your supply never runs out. This also saves you a trip to the pharmacy, which is an added convenience.
As our economy becomes more difficult to navigate people will come up with even more strategies for saving money on medications. Please always keep health and safety in mind as well as minding the laws of our great nation.

Pancake Puffs Are Fun and Yummy!

2009-01-19T06:58:00.000-08:00

Last year I asked for a Pancake Puff pan for Mother’s Day. DH thought it would be another one of those gadgets that would take up space in our tiny, already overstocked kitchen. No Pancake Puff pan arrived and Mother’s Day came and went. Not only was I disappointed, my kids were totally crushed. My boys don’t need much persuasion to eat anything covered with maple syrup, but my daughter has an aversion to most solid foods. I have tinkered with my pancake “recipe” – which is actually pancake mix with added whole wheat flour and PediaSure instead of milk or water – and now she actually downs plates of pancakes, so surely the Pancake Puff would be all the more appealing. Not to mention all the other treats I could turn out for desserts and bake sales (no more tired rice cereal treats from our house!).

Then the holidays began to loom in the near future, and DH and the Beloved Offspring searched for the perfect gift for me. After many failed attempts he finally asked me what I wanted, and I jumped at the chance – A Pancake Puff! He was cornered, and I had him right where I wanted him!

On Christmas Day we welcomed the cast-iron Pancake Puff into our household, and the next morning we set about to make our first batch. I had secretly been doing research online, reading consumer reviews and comments, so I was prepared for the learning curve about how to flip them over just right, how long to heat the pan and how melted butter worked better than non-stick spray. I am a notoriously poor cook (must be all that recipe tinkering I am forced to do) but my little Pancake Puffs turned out great! And they got better and better the more I practiced my flipping technique.

I had family in town, so I whipped up a batch of cake puffs for dessert. They also got rave reviews, although I had no idea how very many puffs one little box of cake mix would make! I was shackled to the stove until all the batter had been puffed. But we have plenty of yummy, fluffy puffs to share with neighbors!

I mentioned my Pancake Puff to others, and soon we were swapping ideas and comparing results. I think maybe we have started a little cult. I was blown away at the idea of making corn bread puffs, while my egg-and-cheese puffs had everyone drooling with possibilities.

Bottom line – the Pancake Puff is fun! It pretty much works the way the ad says it will, and although we haven’t had any luck filling our puffs yet so far it’s been a big hit with my family and friends. I would say it was certainly worth the wait!

Happy New Year!

2009-01-15T15:48:00.000-08:00

Here we are in 2009! Seems as if "change" is the word of the year, although to me change is what I count while trying to scrape together money for groceries.

But seriously, folks, this is the time of year when many of us try to overcome our bad habits and adopt new, healthier ones. Are you one of those people? When I was in Weight Watchers my meeting leader once told us that it takes 9 months to create a new life, so why would it take any less time to form a new habit? I tend to agree with her, although sadly bad habits seem to take hold immediately.

AmeriPlan has a great Online Wellness Program that will help you, whether you're trying to lose weight, quit smoking or exercise more. We have an entire panel of highly qualified physicians, exercise physiologists, nutritionists and dietitians who designed our unique programs that will provide guidelines and tracking of progress to help you achieve a healthier more balanced life. And best of all, it's included with our discount health benefits plans!

Learn more at http://www.BenefitsByRosie.com

The Ranks of the UnInsured Are Going Up

2008-12-17T11:16:00.000-08:00

According to the Daily News, the ranks of the uninsured are going up. Read the article here: http://www.dailynews.com/search/ci_11240815?IADID=Search-www.dailynews.com-www.dailynews.com

If you are uninsured or under-insured let AmeriPlan help you save as much as 80% on your health care. There's lots more info at http://www.BenefitsByRosie.com

Health Care Costs will be going up

2008-08-11T14:06:00.000-07:00

According to a survey of insurers by Aon Consulting Worldwide reported on August 11, 2008 health care costs are expected to rise more than 10 percent into next year. Yes, that's right - just as insurance companies pay out less and less, prices are going up and up. But you can save up to 80% on your health care costs as a member of AmeriPlan. Sign up online at http://www.BenefitsByRosie.com

Something's Fishy In Santa Monica

2008-07-31T11:08:00.000-07:00

Santa Monica, California, July 28, 2006 -- This weekend my family explored the Santa Monica Pier Aquarium, which is run by Heal the Bay at the Santa Monica Pier. Filled with oversized tanks, tiny tanks, an open-topped shark tank and even touch tanks, the aquarium gave us an up-close, hands-on lesson in undersea life in Santa Monica Bay. There were coloring pages and crafts set out for us to explore, face painting and a Kids Corner with puppets, a puppet theater and lots and lots of books about the creatures around us. Many informative, friendly people with nametags were stationed by the exhibits and were eager to tell us all sorts of interesting facts about the ocean and the inhabitants of the aquarium.

Shark feeding times are posted on the chalkboard out front. There was also a conservation area where my oldest child, Beloved Offspring #1, read about how long things take to break down and what our human pollution does to the waters of our planet. Educational movies were showing in the Santa Monica Bay Room, and the co-ed family friendly restrooms were equipped with water-saving dual flush toilets.

One chilling fact we learned was that the beach water at Santa Monica almost always earns an "F" rating, while other beaches along the Los Angeles coastline earn much better scores. We wished we had heard this BEFORE letting our Beloved Offspring frolic in the waves for a few hours earlier in the day.

The aquarium offers a fun and informative destination for school field trips and groups, as well as birthday party packages. There is also an Aquadoption Program where you can adopt a sea creature and get all sorts of great perks. Admission is a suggested donation of $5 for anyone over age 12, and 42 for kids. Admission is free with the Go L.A.! card. The aquarium's hours vary by season so call 310-393-6149 or check the website, www.healthebay.org/smpa.

DESPERATE HOUSEMOMS

2008-03-01T18:41:00.000-08:00

Most moms have trouble managing their time. When Beloved Offspring #2 and #3 were infants (they came as a set) I brought them to the YMCA Child Watch. I wasn’t virtuously working off that baby weight, some days that was the only time I could manage to take a shower. I was very proud of my resourcefulness – my precious babies were being watched and I was finally (if briefly) clean of spit-up and had a few moments to myself. Another mommy friend (also a mommy to twins and a singleton) told me that during a recent bout of a bad virus that swept through her entire family the only way she could get any rest and recover was to drag herself to the ER!

Surely The End Is Near...

2008-02-07T11:43:00.000-08:00

While going about my housework and dinner prep I found myself bopping along to an old, familiar tune. My kids were dutifully watching PBS, and there was a commercial on for a show. The costumed characters, Barney, Baby Bop and others I am proud to say I don't recognize, were happily dancing and singing. Then the 80s part of my brain kicked in (it's a little slow these days) and sent me the missing information; Song Title: I Just Can't Get Enough by Depeche Mode!!!!!! I suggest we all get our affairs in order!

Hollywood Makes Good

2007-12-13T13:03:00.000-08:00

Thanks to a generous grant from the Anne and Kirk Douglas Foundation, Emelita St. Elementary School officially opened its new playground on the main yard this morning. William and the 1st graders sang a song with hand choreography and there were lots of speeches. And yes, Kirk Douglas was there telling stories and jokes, singing songs and leading the kids onto the new equipment. He even went down the slide! This was the Foundation’s 396th playground dedication and he has been at every single one! In fact, this was the first one his wife had to miss. Their goal is to do 400 playgrounds and then they will be finished. Mr. Douglas will turn 91 on Sunday. Let’s all hope and pray that we can continue to contribute to society with so much energy and joy into our 90s!!

Antique-ing

2007-09-04T23:00:00.000-07:00

I've heard that some antique dealers try to pass off phony items by aging them, or antique-ing them. They stain them, add dents and marks and even have special tools that simulate worm holes. To any antique dealers who might be reading this, please know that I'd be happy to rent out my antique-ing crew - two hungry sons with forks.

An Exercise in Futility

2007-07-16T13:42:00.000-07:00

I'm really trying to make an effort to keep the house cleaner these days - and do more exercise. I spent yesterday morning aerobic-sweeping the floor, and the rest of the afternoon picking up all those straw broom bits - lots of deep-knee bends!

Irony

2007-05-28T15:04:00.000-07:00

My neighbor told me she is on a new medication that makes you not want to spend money...but it's expensive. I guess that helps you tell it's working.

Spring Cleaning Your Cosmetics

2007-03-20T20:43:00.000-07:00

This season of renewal is the perfect time to go through your makeup, cosmetics and skin care and purge what might be spoiled, turned or contaminated. Some products have an expiration date printed on them, but that is only a guideline. The way products are stored and handled may make them separate or become filled with bacteria way before that date, or even last longer than that date if you’re careful with them.

Eye products have the shortest open shelf life, and some experts suggest replacing mascara every three months. As you can see, some experts don’t wear mascara very often because if they did they would know most mascaras run out way before then. And it’s a big no-no to add water or any other solvent to extend your supply. That’s right – they’re watching you.

Here are some basic rules for storing and handling cosmetics:

Keep them in a cool, dry place – that doesn’t mean a chic spot that lost its liquor license.

Avoid extreme temperatures, like sweltering in the car in the summer.

Use clean hands and utensils when applying. Yes, you have to wash your makeup brushes regularly.

Don’t share. If your friend has just got to try that color, put some on a fresh cotton swab or tissue for her protection (and yours).

Use common sense. If it has changed color, scent or consistency since you opened it you’re better safe than sorry you caused a nasty eye infection.

It’s probably time to say goodbye to a product if it falls into any of these categories:

• It seemed like a good idea at the time you bought it

• The color might come back into style some day

• You wore it because you got a compliment on it once time….from your ex

• The lady at the return counter assured you it’s supposed to make your skin react that way

What's In A Name?

2007-02-01T17:52:00.001-08:00

Dinner is always a challenge around here. Something happens around 4pm - suddenly everyone needs mommy, and only being attached like a barnacle will appease my three beloved offspring. This makes it difficult to get around the kitchen. Luckily my kitchen is extremely small. Tonight we are having Blackened Chicken. Somehow I didn't think it sounded appetizing to tell them it was burned.

News Flash

2007-01-31T06:25:00.000-08:00

Waiting for half an hour to ride a tiny train in an overcrowded theme park with three beloved but overly stimulated offspring (including one toddler with an ear infection) and an impatient husband makes said park the most miserable place on Earth. Well, except for the store dressing rooms in the bathing suit section.

Strange Bedfellows

2006-09-22T13:47:00.000-07:00

Thanks to some large-scale home improvements, all three of my beloved offspring have been sleeping in my room for some time now. Most nights Beloved Offspring #3 snoozes in his crib beside my bed, leaving me to battle #1 and #2 for a bit of pillow and a speck of sheet. But many nights #3 joins the party, and we shuffle and resettle frequently. I remember seeing all three umbilical cords being cut at the time of each delivery, but for some reason it is not enough for them to be sleeping with me - they have to be sleeping ON me. The Chinese got it wrong - surely this is the Year of the Possum.

A Quick Pick-Me-Up

2006-09-20T08:58:00.000-07:00

I recently bought a new Bali bra through Avon. It's a very uplifting experience! Now if only I could get my husband to be so supportive.

I Don't Have The Genes for Jeans

2006-05-14T10:00:00.000-07:00

Originally posted on The Health Blog, 12/28/05

This morning I read that carmakers are starting to make the seats bigger to fit the expanding American bottom line. Which leads me to ask, “When is the fashion industry going to get the memo?” Specifically, I am referring to the folks who make jeans.

I spent a frustrating morning shopping for denim. Although I am far from a waif, I am also much smaller than the Plus Size category. For now, anyway. I’m just your average height-challenged fairly fit mother of three. I headed for a store that specializes in jeans with different fits, thinking surely something there would work for me. When I liked the way the pants looked around my knees and thighs, the waist was flapping in the breeze. When the waist was right there was so much extra material I thought it was Hammer Time. I tried the Curvy fit, the Petite length, the Boot Cut, the Flared Leg and even the Ridiculously-Overpriced-So-Certainly-They-Must-Look-Fabulous Cut. I returned home even more faithfully devoted to my leggings and sweats. As far as jeans go, I’ll wait until they come out with the Thunder Thigh Leg, the Ample Room in Trunk Cut or the Mommy-Tummy Rise.

Carmaker article at: http://aolsvc.news.aol.com/business/article.adp?id=20051228075109990009

My Son, The Jedi

2006-04-26T15:52:00.000-07:00

As a parent, I feel it is my job to gently guide my beloved offspring in life, so I try not to force my own personal tastes on them. In one area of my life I have been especially careful about this – Star Wars. Sadly, most of my treasures have been sold off or given away as my need for space (and money) demanded. Even so, I haven’t actually hidden my passion for the saga from my children – they have certainly found the remaining DVDs, videos, books and other collectibles on their explorations of their environment (not to mention my childhood blanket which now covers the window in the room my sons share and the matching pillow I try to make comfortable when I am called in for nightmare duty). Maybe I was planning to hold off until they reach the age I was when it took over my life. I’m not sure I would have held out that long, but certainly the films are not age-appropriate for babies. But I did start a little collection of Young Jedi training books from Episode one. Not exactly a hand-me-down lightsabre from a long lost parent, but it’s a start.

One day I was with the then-three-year-old Beloved Offspring #1 in Blockbuster. The store was running a Star Wars promotion, complete with a six-foot cardboard standup of Vader’s mask. I was headed out the door when I heard that squeaky little voice pipe up. “Look, mommy, Star Wars!” For a moment I was more frozen than Han Solo inside that block of carbonite. And yes, I was very proud. But this had happened without my input…so how exactly had this happened? He told me that he had seen some Star Wars toys at school, courtesy of Burger King. In fact, his friends at school like Star Wars a lot, and did I know there was a golden robot in it? Yes, I knew. And did I know Star Wars (Darth Vader) was a little scary and did mean things? Yes, I knew that, too, and a thousand other little bits of trivia that would mean nothing to a three-year-old so I shut up.

Fast forward. Now Beloved Offspring #1 is four and a half. One night he hit me with this, in a conspiratorial whisper: Mom, did you know that Anakin is Skywalker’s father? Yes, I did. I left out the part about waiting for three years for that little cliffhanger to be resolved (thanks a lot, George Lucas!). He launched into a full-body reenactment of how Anakin fought the “Roger Roger” robots. I wished for popcorn. When he was finished – or exhausted, I’m not sure which – we had a nice little talk about why people (Anakin/Vader) do mean things, so that was a nice little morals lesson (thanks a lot, George Lucas – sincerely this time). The Force is definitely with him.

Product Review: Ball Pit

2006-03-29T16:03:00.000-08:00

Did you know that many teachers and parents refer to Ball Pits as Germ Pits? Maybe that's why most McPlaylands and indoor playgrounds have removed them. But no matter how filthy those bright spheres of plastic get, kids love to dive into them...over and over and over again. And since Beloved Offspring #2 is "gravitationally insecure" according to her physical therapist, Beloved Offspring #3 is a daredevil, and Beloved Offspring #1 is a four-year-old boy with boundless energy, we got them an inflatable Little Tykes Cozy Cottage Ball Pit. In all fairness to the Little Tykes company, the product was adorable and did exactly what it was supposed to do...but only for three months. Then the incessant diving and climbing in and out got the better of the poor vinyl thing and it leaked air, drooping sadly and looking very much like my beloved offspring had beaten it up...or down. Actually, it lasted two months longer than I expected!

CHILDPROOFING

2006-02-27T17:05:00.000-08:00

When you have a baby, you start thinking about childproofing your environment. You may put away some crystal treasures and buy the plastic clips and outlet covers – but you’re still way off base. Beloved Offspring #1 had those allegedly childproof clips figured out before the tender age of one. While many of those products are extremely useful and, like the one that locks the under-the-sink-where-the-deadly-cleaners-are-stored cabinet, a parenting necessity, I have learned from experience some common sense approaches to child proofing. And you will, too – as you go along. As grown-ups we are blind to many dangers that lurk right under our noses, because we use items the way we’re supposed to use them. We follow the rules. Infants and toddlers don’t even know the rules yet, and don’t usually care about them even when they do know them. Shoes can be sand shovels – or water goblets – to a toddler. We love their imagination and nurture their creativity, but sometimes it’s downright dangerous.

The most obvious way to keep a little one out of a dangerous room like a bathroom is to close the door. It’s quick and it’s free but it’s sadly temporary – it only works until the child is tall enough to reach the doorknob and old enough to figure out how to work the doorknob. Beloved Offspring #3 is halfway there already.

I’ve also become much better at improvising child safety techniques. While at an appointment, I protected Beloved Offspring #2 and #3 by covering the electrical outlets with adhesive tape. And a trip to Grandma’s was almost a disaster until we used electrical tape on her under-the-sink-where-the-deadly-cleaners-are-stored cabinet. At another appointment I had to turn the garbage can around so the little swingy door (aka coolest toy on the planet) faced the wall and went unnoticed.

Another example is sharp corners, like the ones on the footboard of my bed. I always have bruises on my hips and thighs from bumping into them. If that’s what those edges can do to my toned, muscular body (stop laughing!) imagine what it would do to the tender little heads and bodies of my beloved offspring! Cheap and quick solution – when I make the bed, I pull all the blankets over the edges. Again, a sadly temporary fix. The first bed-bouncer will muss the covers enough to expose the evil right angles once again. But who knows how many bumps and bruises we have been spared by my new bed-making strategy.

Thanks to the area where we live, we need to add earthquake straps to tall pieces of furniture. But even parents who don’t live on a fault line are encouraged to add these reinforcements to bookcases and armoires, because children eventually learn how to climb. And if they don’t learn they have an older sibling or visiting cousin who teaches them. To a child determined to reach something on a top shelf, bookcases are really just nice, deep ladders. And anything desirable that is not on a bookcase can be reached with the help of a climbable chair or even something stackable, like books.

Even after you have searched high and low for dangers to your child, the little rascals will find ways to invent new ones. They might stretch a little arm around a corner and pull on something connected to a dangerous object, like a cord or a tail. This is how my youngest son almost dumped our recently used, still hot and greasy indoor grill on his head – despite our carefully installed kitchen gate.

Whenever I put down a cup of hot coffee, I carefully and lovingly make sure it is out of reach of my precious offspring. But my precious offspring are crafty, and will attempt to reach it anyway – or make it reach them. They do it with cups of cold beverages, too, but it’s more of a safety issue with hot ones. Their latest tactic is to pull at the item on which the drink rests, like a placemat or a newspaper or a rickety end table.

As a last resort, my kids will feign injury or launch into a tantrum in order to be picked up and thus be closer to the prize. But we as parents (or grandparents or babysitters or caregivers) must be vigilant. It only takes a moment for

Ps – While I was working on this entry, Beloved Offspring #3 pried off an outlet cover. Good thing I work from home!

"Special Needs"

2006-01-27T07:03:00.000-08:00

Beloved Offspring #2 has a mild disability and has been labeled as a child with “special needs.” It was a daunting phrase to hear at first, but the reality is that every child has little quirks and specific preferences, like having the crust cut off of their sandwiches, needing to have their forehead stroked to help them fall asleep, seeing Daddy do a special monkey dance before heading off to school (preferably outside in the driveway where all the neighbors can see it, too), singing their favorite Wiggles song to stop a tantrum or having their hotdogs peeled (thanks, mom). These particulars are part of what makes each child “special” and unique.

Waxing Nostalgic

2006-01-17T14:33:00.000-08:00

Despite their tiny attention spans, kids are remarkably observant and anything new that has appeared in a room will attract them like a moth to a flame – especially if it happens to actually be a flame. I miss my candles.

Michael Finnegan

2006-01-14T09:33:00.000-08:00

Sometimes while singing childrens' songs for the thousandth time, my mind starts to wander....

"Michael Finnegan, he had whiskers on his chinnegan.
The wind blew them off but they grew in again...."

(Where exactly does this Michael Finnegan live? Will this wind work on my legs? When will I find time to take a shower?)

Profile: Beloved Offspring #3

2006-01-13T08:47:00.000-08:00

Favorite Maneuver: Face-Down Full Body Slam

Advantages: Very effective for adding extra drama to tantrums and extra affection to hugs and cuddles.

Disadvantages: Disastrous results when used after vomiting in crib

Taking Care of You First

2006-01-07T08:39:00.000-08:00

All the Mommy Magazines have articles about taking care of yourself, because you can’t take care of anyone else unless you take care of you first. I thought they were referring to making time for a massage at a spa once in a while or joining a weekly book club. Those are good quick fixes, but taking care of you has a bigger meaning. The reality is, it means making time for an annual physical and an occasional dental appointment. And if you need to meet with a therapist, go to a 12-step meeting or get new glasses, it means that, too.

This whole concept can be seen in the safety speeches given by flight attendants. While explaining the oxygen masks, they always say that if you’re traveling with a child you should secure your mask first, then assist the child with his or hers. Before I was a mom, I always thought that was odd. If I had an uncomfortable, squirming child in my lap it seemed to make more sense to get him or her settled and safe as soon as possible. But then I realized that in that situation, I’d be unconscious long before I finished with the child. I certainly wouldn’t be able to care for the child while I was passed out, no matter how much maternal instinct I have. So, if I’m ever on a plane with any or all of my beloved offspring and we loose cabin pressure I must take care of myself first or I literally won’t be able to take care of them. Lesson learned. Buh-bye.

A Strange Male Habit

2006-01-03T15:54:00.000-08:00

There must be something about the hormone testosterone that forces males to show off their knowledge. I first noticed this as a teenager while watching TV with my father. Whenever someone on screen toted a weapon, my dad would identify it. “That’s a .45,” he would chime in from the couch. It went way beyond enjoyment – he actually seemed compelled to do this. He would often wake up from a sound sleep to announce, “That’s a semi-automatic.” Then he’d resume his snoring. Naturally, since I was a teenager, I found this habit slightly annoying.

A few years later a friend started dating a musician. As we sat around at her parents’ house watching music videos, he would identify the guitars. I found this, and him, intolerable. Since then I’ve noticed other males doing this identification thing with cars in driveways, trucks on the road and bands on the radio.

Then one day my train-obsessed toddler son pointed to the TV and squeaked, “An Amtrak!” This time I found this habit to be cute, charming and endearing. Not to mention a sign of his genius.

I realized that my attitude toward this particular male-trait depended highly on my attitude toward the particular male. I hated the musician, so I hated the guitar labeling. I adore my son, so I adore the train identifying.

Babies of both genders go through that labeling phase, and when a chubby finger is pointing at an object and a drooling little mouth utters some baby talk all the grownups cheer and applaud. Maybe these males never leave that stage. Maybe they are still longing for cheers and applause. But I still don’t like the musician.

Sandwich Geometry

2006-01-02T15:54:00.000-08:00

We all have fond memories of the foods we ate as children, and if those yummy PB&Js happen to be cut diagonally then that is probably what we prefer as adults. But try to serve a diagonally cut PB&J to a child who is used to the down-the-middle style of sandwich and you will immediately have a meltdown on your hands…not to mention lots of PB&J on your hands (and on the walls and on the floor…).

Back when I only had one beloved offspring I presented lavishly cut sandwiches as an early lesson in shapes. Yes, my dear son learned the difference between a square and a triangle. He also learned that mommy will spend lots of extra time and waste lots of extra bread while making his lunch. I sentenced myself to a lifetime (or at least to the length of an early childhood) of fun-shaped sandwiches. Apparently I had set a precedent.

Most children will swear that their preferred shape of sandwich tastes better. Maybe it has to do with the amount of air that hits the contents of the bread. I’ve done taste comparisons and honestly can’t taste any difference. But I’m not a four-year-old so my results are irrelevant.

It’s not just sandwiches, either. Apparently Mac and Cheese must only be made with elbow macaroni. Try using ziti, wagon wheels or spirals and chances are it will be refused – loudly. And chances are you’ll be up late making cheese sandwiches for your starving child. Triangular ones, of course.

Welcome to Rosie Reality

2006-01-01T15:50:00.000-08:00

I’ve been a lot of things, and been called a lot more. My occupations have included switchboard operator, actress, writer, singer, waitress, bartender, receptionist, teacher, babysitter, choreographer and nanny (not exactly in that order). Now I am a mom. Not just a mom – a STAY-AT-HOME MOM. I went from a washboard stomach to dishpan hands.

Many of my experiences have been exaggerated for dramatic effect – although I usually do it for comedic effect. Please don’t think that I am actually complaining about my life…well, okay, maybe I am, but understand that I understand how incredibly lucky (read blessed if you’re into that sort of thing) I am to have this life, and these children. Yes, I feel that I have faced some hardships but I know that in the grand scheme of the universe my life has been fairly easy, and that I am spoiled and shallow.